Epic Zero: Books 4-6 (Epic Zero Box Set Book 2)

  EPIC ZERO

  Books 4-6

  Epic Zero 4: Tales of a Total Waste of Time

  Epic Zero 5: Tales of an Unlikely Kid Outlaw

  Epic Zero 6: Tales of a Major Meta Disaster

  By

  R.L. Ullman

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  Epic Zero 4: Tales of a Total Waste of Time

  I TANGO WITH A T-REX

  There’s a rabid T-Rex on my tail.

  Yep, you heard me. A gigantic, kid-eating Tyrannosaurus rex is stomping through Keystone City, and he’s penciled me in for his next meal! Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. How does a super-smooth hero like me always end up in ridiculous situations like this?

  Honestly, I have no idea. But I guess it comes with the territory. After all, sometimes a hero’s gotta do what a hero’s gotta do. Even if he’d rather be doing anything else—like algebra or going to the dentist.

  I hang a right at the corner bakery and make a beeline for Keystone Police Station. Why the police station? Well, it’s not because I’m trying to stuff this Godzilla wannabe into a human-sized jail cell. That’s impossible, although it sure would be nice.

  No, I’m heading for the police station because that’s where TechnocRat told me to meet him. He said he had a big solution for our not-so-little problem. And he better be right, because we’re coming in fast, so I hope he’s ready to deliver on his end of the deal.

  THUMP!

  My feet fly off the pavement. Every time that over-sized lizard takes a step, it’s like a mini-earthquake throwing me off balance. But I can’t stop now. I mean, I’ve seen all the Jurassic Park movies. I know exactly what’ll happen if that thing catches up to me.

  I slide across the front hood of an abandoned car. The only good news here is that the city was evacuated hours ago. That means there’s no one crazy enough to be traipsing around town in this dangerous situation.

  Well, present company excluded.

  Suddenly, a hear a SWISH.

  Instinctively, I duck just as a telephone pole whizzes over my head and punctures the street like a giant spear.

  Now he’s throwing things?

  Just. Freaking. Wonderful.

  Maybe he should be called a ‘T-Wrecks?’

  Bad puns aside, there was one little snag to our plan. In order to seal the deal, TechnocRat said he had to go back to the Waystation to get what he needed. You know, our secret headquarters way up in (gulp!) outer space.

  So, yeah, I’m hoping he makes it back in time.

  I hit Main Street and keep on booking. I can see the police station in the distance. It’s a straight shot from here, probably six long blocks away. I’m winded, but if I stop to catch my breath, I’m toast.

  Speaking of toast, I wonder what Dog-Gone’s up to? When TechnocRat asked for a volunteer, that mutt stepped four paws backwards, basically leaving me on my own. So much for man’s best friend!

  And unfortunately, it’s not like the rest of the Freedom Force are around to help. They’re handling their own dinosaur problems all over the globe.

  Dad and Makeshift are stopping a squad of Velociraptors marching through Mexico. Shadow Hawk and Blue Bolt are halting a herd of Ticeratops in Tokyo. Master Mime is wrangling a Megalodon in the Atlantic Ocean. And Grace and Mom are fighting a gaggle of Pterodactyls in Europe—try saying that one three times fast!

  So, that leaves TechnocRat, Dog-Gone, and yours truly to take down this dino-sore right here in Keystone City. Which would have been a whole lot easier if the T-Rex was a Meta and I could simply negate his powers. But he’s not, which means I’m powerless against him.

  Not a great feeling.

  We’re three blocks away.

  That rat better not let me down.

  ROOAARR!

  The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Peering over my shoulder, all I see are teeth—giant, super-sharp teeth! He’s right behind me!

  Time to motor! But I’ve been running for so long I’m losing—

  SMACK!

  Suddenly, I slam into something solid and find myself sitting on my backside. My nose is throbbing, and I wipe it with my sleeve. It’s bloody. Marvelous.

  What happened?

  That’s when I realize I’m staring at a pair of dark, green boots. But I thought the city was evacuated?

  “Who are you?” comes a frantic voice.

  Who am I? Sheesh, I really need to hire an agent. I look up to find a man staring at me with wild, brown eyes. He’s wearing a cone-shaped helmet and a green jumpsuit with an hourglass insignia on his chest. I know I’ve seen his Meta profile before, but I can’t place him.

  Then, it clicks.

  “You’re the Time Trotter!” I say.

  The Time Trotter is a Meta 1 villain with a magical watch that gives him the ability to travel through time. He’s mostly a small-time crook who likes to pop up in history where he can profit the most—like when he stole the first truckload of gold headed for Fort Knox. He’s had countless run-ins with the Freedom Force, but every time we’re about to catch him he slips away through the timestream.

  “Y-You’re wearing a costume,” he says, sounding strangely desperate. “Are you a hero?”

  “The name’s Epic Zero,” I say, getting to my feet and dusting myself off. Even though I’ve single-handily saved the world three times, why is it that no villain has ever heard of me? “I’m on the Freedom Force.”

  “The Freedom Force!” he says, grabbing the front of my uniform. “Please, help me! I’m in danger!”

  “Whoa, back off, buddy,” I say, knocking his hands off the merchandise. “What danger?”

  Then, I remember the T-Rex.

  Where’s the freaking T-Rex?

  I glance over my shoulder to find the behemoth leaning over me, jaws wide open for the kill. I jump, but the T-Rex doesn’t move. It’s like he’s … frozen?

  “Don’t worry,” the Time Trotter says. “I’ve isolated time around him so that every second is moving a million times slower. I-I can do that now.”

  Wow, that’s how I feel whenever Grace opens her mouth. But something’s wrong. In the Meta Profile I read, the Time Trotter can only manipulate time around himself. It never said anything about him manipulating time for others. But if he can do that, then…

  “Um, you wouldn’t happen to be the one responsible for bringing all of these dinosaurs here, would you? Because as far as I can remember, you can’t do that.”

  “I-I didn’t think I could either,” he says, talking rapidly, “until he made me do it. But it hurts so much I-I can’t bring any more.”

  “Whoa,” I say. “Slow down. First off, who’s this ‘he’ you’re talking about?”

  “Please,” he begs. “I don’t have time. The connection was severed, but I don’t know for how long. Get me out of here. He’s coming for me!”

  “I’ll try one more time,” I say. “Who is ‘he?’”

  FWOOM!

  Without warning, something powerful blows me backwards, throwing me to the ground. I land hard on my left shoulder, but that’s the least of my problems. Because hovering above us is the giant head of a man!

  But it’s no ordinary man. This guy has red skin, pointy ears, and three orange eyes! I drop into a fighting stance, but then the man’s face flickers and I realize he’s not actually here. He’s an image being projected from somewhere far away.

  “No!” the Time Trotter screams, totally freaked out.

  I study the red guy’s fa
ce, but I don’t recognize him.

  “Time Trotter,” the three-eyed man rumbles, his deep voice rattling my bones. “The distance is great, but I have restored our link. Yet, you disappoint me. I did not offer you a kingdom only to watch you play with toddlers.”

  Hang on. Did he just call me a toddler?

  “P-Please,” the Time Trotter pleads, holding his head in his hands. “I can’t bring any more. It’s too painful.”

  “I am afraid it is too late to renegotiate our bargain,” the three-eyed man says. “You have a job to do. Now where is the Key?”

  “I-I don’t know,” the Time Trotter says. “I can’t find it. None of them can find it. Look, I’m sorry, I don’t want a kingdom anymore. Just leave me alone. Please…”

  “Enough!” the three-eyed man commands. Then, the eye in the middle of his forehead turns green. “I enhanced your power. But clearly, I erred in putting my trust in you, for I see you have already failed me. Your world’s champions have already stopped your prehistoric pets before they could locate the Cosmic Key.”

  The Cosmic Key? What’s that?

  “It’s not my fault,” the Time Trotter pleads. “They’re the Freedom Force. They’re heroes.”

  “When I rule the universe,” the man says, his third eye transforming back to orange, “there will be no more heroes. Or failures.”

  “Please!” the Time Trotter begs. “I-I’ll ignore the pain. I’ll go back in time and get more dinosaurs to search for the Cosmic Key. I-I can—”

  “Silence!” the three-eyed man orders. “At least your creatures are more disciplined than you. They have spread far and wide across your pathetic planet, allowing me to conduct a proper scan. And while I no longer detect the presence of the Cosmic Key, I do sense its latent energy. It was here at one time but has since been removed.”

  Okay, this is getting weird. And why is he so determined to find this key?

  “I imagine my greatest enemy is laughing at me now,” the red man says. “He probably believes he has tricked me. He is probably expecting me to begin searching the universe anew. But the final laugh will be mine. For with your unique powers, we will indeed ‘go back in time,’ just as you suggest, and we will find the Cosmic Key on this very planet—before it was removed! Isn’t that right my loyal subject?”

  Then, the man’s third eye turns green again.

  “No!” the Time Trotter begs, but before he can run away, his body goes rigid and his eyes emit a faint green light. “Yes, master.”

  Master? Is he being mind controlled? I’ve got to—

  But before I can act, there’s a huge flash of white light and I’m blinded. It takes several seconds to stop seeing stars, but when I do the Time Trotter and his three-eyed friend have vanished. But if the Time Trotter is gone, does that mean—

  CHOMP!

  The T. Rex!

  Suddenly, I’m lifted into the air, my legs dangling above the ground. My costume tightens around my neck, strangling me. I can’t breathe! The T. Rex is reeling me into his mouth by my cape!

  I’ve got seconds to act. I reach into my utility belt, pull out my pocket knife, and begin sawing away at the fabric of my cape. As the left side gives way, I feel something slimy run across the back of my neck! Was that his tongue? So gross!

  I move into overdrive, frantically cutting away the right side of my cape until I rip through and drop to the ground. I hit the pavement feet first and let my forward momentum carry me into a somersault. If I survive this, I’ll have to thank Shadow Hawk for teaching me that one.

  I pop up and start running, my knees feeling like jelly.

  STOMP!

  He’s chasing me again!

  I’m two blocks from the police station.

  Up ahead I see movement on the front steps. There’s good old Dog-Gone prancing back and forth. And next to him is a tiny, white dot scampering over a gray object.

  It’s TechnocRat! He made it back!

  And it looks like he’s got his solution all right. It’s some kind of a contraption, but why’s he jumping off of it? If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s looking for something on the ground—like he’s lost something?

  O. M. G! He’s not ready!

  One block away.

  Suddenly, the area around me darkens, which can only mean one thing—the T-Rex is on top of me!

  “Shoot it!” I yell.

  “I need a second!” TechnocRat shouts back. “Stall!”

  Stall? Are. You. Freaking. Kidding. Me?

  Fifteen feet away.

  “Hit it!” I yell.

  “I can’t,” TechnocRat yells, “I’m missing a screw!”

  “Darn right you’re missing a screw!” I yell. “Shoot it! Blast it! Do something high-tech to it!”

  Five feet away.

  The T-Rex is nearly on top of me!

  “Found it!” TechnocRat says, proudly holding up a silver screw in his pink paw. Then he looks my way and whispers, “Holy guacamole.”

  I look up to find humungous, razor-sharp teeth over my head. Newspaper headlines flash before my eyes: Unknown Superhero Kid Swallowed by Hungry Dinosaur.

  The T-Rex closes his mouth.

  “Auuuuuuugh!” I scream, diving to the ground.

  VZOOM!

  A neon green beam shoots straight over my head and slams into the dinosaur. The creature staggers backwards, caught in a dazzling vortex of green energy. The T-Rex ROARS as it spins round and round, sinking deeper and deeper into the ripples of the cyclone until he’s no longer in sight. And then, the vortex is gone.

  What was that?

  I look back to find TechnocRat holding his screw, and Dog-Gone’s nose pressed against a red button on the cylindrical machine.

  “Well, go figure,” TechnocRat says, “I guess I didn’t need that screw after all.”

  I’m gonna kill that rat.

  “G-Good boy,” I mutter to Dog-Gone.

  And then everything goes black.

  I SEE DEAD PEOPLE

  There’s pressure on my stomach. It’s hard to breathe.

  I open my eyes, and all I see is a black nose.

  Then, I’m slobbered to death.

  “Get off, Dog-Gone,” I say, wiping my cheeks. “You’re too heavy. I can’t breathe.”

  Dog-Gone lifts his big paws off my body and I see my parents standing over me, their expressions changing from concern to relief.

  “Take it easy, son,” Dad says, putting his hand on my arm. “You need to rest.”

  “Rest?” I say. “Why? And where am I anyway?” I’m lying in some sterile-looking room I’ve never seen before. Everything is white—the ceiling, the walls, the floor. I try sitting up, but my left arm is hooked into a tube.

  What’s going on?

  “Relax, Elliott,” Mom says. “You’re back on the Waystation in our new Medi-wing. TechnocRat worked all night to get it finished.”

  TechnocRat? Hang on, there’s something I wanted to say to him. I just can’t remember what.

  “Elliott, old buddy!” TechnocRat says with unusual gusto. He’s standing at the foot of my bed, perched on a steel railing. He looks tired, with droopy whiskers and tiny circles under his eyes. “Boy am I glad to see you so alert. Here’s the bad news. You passed out from exhaustion, so we’re going to have to shut you down for a while. But there’s also good news. We learned you’re faster than a T-Rex.”

  T-Rex? T-Rex!

  Without thinking, I pop up and swipe at the rat.

  “Elliott!” Dad says, holding me back. “What’s gotten into you?”

  “Ask him,” I huff, slumping back into the bed.

  “TechnocRat, what’s he talking about?” Mom asks.

  “Well,” TechnocRat says, running his claws along the railing, “Don’t be mad at the kid. He’s right. I… messed up. I got so caught up trying to complete my device that he nearly got eaten by a dinosaur. At least the mutt had enough sense to save the day.”

  Dog-Gone scratches his hindquarters.

/>   “I’m… sorry, Elliott,” TechnocRat says, his paws behind his back. “I guess I can’t always expect everything to be perfect. It’s a technical flaw of mine.”

  Wow, TechnocRat apologized. He never ever apologizes—for anything. Part of me still wants to yell at him, but he looks so pathetic I can’t.

  “Elliott?” Mom says, nodding towards TechnocRat.

  I’d love to let him stew a while longer, but I decide to give in, even though I’m still not happy about it.

  “Apology accepted,” I mutter. “By the way, what did Dog-Gone zap the T-Rex with?”

  “Oh, that’s my Time Warper device,” TechnocRat says. “It’s a portable time machine capable of opening a temporary distortion—otherwise known as a wormhole—in the space-time continuum. I invented it years ago but never use it because altering time is risky business. If you travel back into the past and change it in any meaningful way, it could have a ripple effect that significantly compromises the present.”

  “Influencing events from the past is a major ‘no-no’ in the superhero rulebook,” Dad says. “You should never mess around with time.”

  “Correct,” TechnocRat says, “I didn’t want to use the Time Warper, but since dinosaurs are extinct, I figured sending them back to the Jurassic era posed little risk to our current timestream. Fortunately, I was right, but we got lucky. When you’re dealing with time you never know, which is why I keep my Time Warper safely tucked away in my lab. But I guess I pulled it out in the nick of time—get it?”

  Everyone laughs but me.

  “Too soon, huh?” TechnocRat says looking at me nervously. “Well, um, I think I’ve got an electro photon lightbulb to fix somewhere. I’ll check in on you later.”

  Then, he scampers off the railing and disappears.

  “Elliott,” Dad says, “You’re being way too hard on him. He did the best he could.”

  “Yeah,” I say. “With my life hanging in the balance.”

  “His methods aren’t always conventional,” Mom says. “But you know he’s a hero through and through.”

  Suddenly, I feel guilty. I do know he’s a hero, that’s for sure. Maybe I was too hard on him.